Let’s face it, a lot of us gain weight after we get married. We swear we never will and then life gets busy, jobs happen, dinner is takeout, the couch becomes your new hangout spot and before you know it, you can’t fit into your wedding dress anymore. Been there. I know how this feels.
But let’s take a look at how different things get when we gain weight. We don’t think it really affects the relationship but as more weight is gained, aspects of the relationship take a dive.
1. You decide what to do based on your current weight. Unless you have never had a weight problem, we all have done this to some extent. “I can’t go swimming because people will see my arms, legs, etc” or “I can’t wear that top anymore because my stomach is disgusting.” We go out of our way to buy something new because the more covered up we are, the better. Why do you let what we wear affect us so much? From literally living life and having experiences within your marriage?
2. It’s your excuse for everything in your relationship. I’ve done this one. While I genuinely meant it, it’s still not an excuse. Making up reasons as to why you won’t have sex or take a shower together or wear something sexy in the bedroom. “I’m too fat, I hate the way I look, my fat giggles.” But let’s get serious, you’re probably the only one who notices. You’re spouse isn’t going to be like, “yea, you’re right, we probably shouldn’t, your extra 20 pounds might suffocate me to death.” If they are still attracted to you and want to have sex, your unattractiveness is in your head.
3. Making everyone suffer because you’re on a diet. I listen to a podcast called “Losing 100 pounds with Corinne” and she talks about how you should not make your family eat what you are eating and have everyone suffer. Make what you want or choose to eat and make something else for your family. If they want to partake in what you’re eating, great. But if you are torturing them with your new diet plan, do everyone a favor and leave them out of it.
4. Blaming your spouse for your weight gain. “Well we always go out…get drinks…snack at night.” I’ve heard it all. Your spouse is not MAKING you eat any of those things. You can choose a better option. Or stop blaming them. Same with your friends. “Well we go out for girls night.” No one is making you do that nor are they shoving food down your throat. Make better choices and stop blaming everyone but yourself.
5. Work and life is stressful. Honey, that will never change. Welcome. Making up excuses as to why you gained weight is not solving the problem. Work and life will always be stressful. Deal with it. If you start taking out life on your marriage and make your husband a punching bag for the stress and weight gain, things will only get worse.
Take control of your life and figure it out. It starts in the kitchen. Don’t take it out on your marriage and family. Making everyone suffer because you are unhappy with yourself is not fair. I’ve done this. And then it makes me feel even worse. It’s no one’s battle to fight but your own.
We all gain weight. It sucks. But staying as positive as you can will help you stay on the right track and get comfortable with yourself again. Don’t lose hope. Gaining weight takes time and so does losing it.