We know that we should not date someone who is married. Our friends tell us this, family, co-workers, and still, we find a way to lose all consciousness and make excuses to ourselves as to why this is ok. However, every situation is not cut and dry and sometimes things get out of hand.
While I will get into my personal story about this. Upon googling the same headline I found multiple articles on ‘how to deal with your emotions when dating a married man’ or ‘how not to get your heart broken when dating a married man’.
First of all, if you knowingly are dating a married man, did you think he was going to leave because of you? The odds are slim. And do you really need an article to tell you how to deal with your emotions? How about you deal with your morals and stop dating another woman’s husband?
Anyway, let’s get into my situation. I talk about it in my book but I do want to get into a few things.
So I met a man, well we should call him a boy, at work. We will name him Ryan for todays purposes. We would make casual talk from time to time but like any young person these days, he added me on Facebook. And then he messaged me.
At first it was small talk and I would never initiate conversation. He eventually started asking me about my life and me his. He has a wife and two kids but would make comments about his wife that were less than nice. When I asked about her and he said they are getting a divorce but it was taking some time because she refused to work and did not want to support herself.
I didn’t pry into it too deep but he asked me out one night and I agreed. I mean, I knew he was getting a divorce and there would be baggage but my current situation was super single so what did I care about the technicality of it?
Flash forward a year, yes I know. But hear me out. So we are still dating at this point. We planned trips, parties with my friends. We went out, shopped, to concerts where thousands of people could see us.
And still, he is married. At this point he told me that they had separate houses and she was working on a full time job. So I guess we were getting closer.
One of my friends is getting divorced and I was telling her about the situation I put myself in and she said to look him up on CCAP. Because once you file for divorce, it shows the date of the court date and other bits of information about the situation.
Well we all know what I found. And I was still in denial when I brought it up to him. Which was just yet another excuse and reason why they hadn’t actually filed.
At this point, I began distancing. I kept thinking about his wife and wondered what was actually going on.
And then I just started to get mad. I made his lunch everyday, breakfast when he stayed over, took him on trips, bought him things, made sure he always felt important. And what did I get? A fucking slap in the face.
I should have seen the signs. He always paid in cash. Usually only stayed during the week because it was for ‘work’. I never got flowers because that would require a credit card. And I guess I never expected it to go on long so in my mind I didn’t need to heavily look into the actual facts I was seeing.
I started distancing myself after the divorce situation. He eventually called me out on this and I told him why. He still denied that they were together and made up some bullshit excuse about how “it wasn’t like he could just leave her overnight”. When in actuality, if he was honest the day we first met, they were getting divorced over a year ago right? So the marriage should be done and everyone moving forward at this point.
While I do place most of the blame on me. I would never have gone out with him had I known he was not actually getting a divorce. I felt dirty and so tired of never meeting his friends, going to places they could be hanging out at, staying at his house in case his family came over. And any other bullshit excuse he wanted to give me that day.
I also wondered about the wife. Was she as unhappy in the marriage as he was or was she completely in the clouds and thought everything was fine with them?
I ended up blocking him from everything and moving on. I quit the job I was at and started over.
While out with my sister one night, she asked about him and where we thought he was these days. Of course she looked him up on social media and showed me a brand new family picture taken a month prior.
All I could do was laugh at this ridiculous situation. Clearly everything he told me was a lie. You don’t take family pictures when you are divorced. Karma will get him. And maybe it’s already doing its work if he is as unhappy as he claimed to be. Either way, a enormous weight lifted from my shoulders the day I decided to take my life back and find someone who valued me in theirs.